The Shining "Angel"

The desk looked as it used to be! Everything was in the same place, the pens, the papers, the photo of her beloved, the single pink rose in the vase..... Yet, something was missing! The smell of her, her touch, her feel... It had all disappeared, with her.... into nothingness...

The dust on the neat desk was the only proof that she was missing and only he knew what it really meant! When a dear one leaves forever without saying goodbye.... He used to fight with the twinkling stars every night for taking her away! And then he would think, "the lovely, petite thing that she was, in all probability she could be the star!" Of course, he could'nt fight with his little one.

Born to a pauper, she had no other fate and unfortunately the thalessemia she had would not let her live for long.... He tried everything in the book to resurrect her, to bring her to life when she just lay still one morning and would not even stir to go to school.

He thought it was her usual drama of not going to school, he kept waiting and waiting for her to come out of the house to go to school. It wasn't easy convincing her ever! Cos just like her mother she had an agile mind too.... She would keep coming with new excuses to avoid school....

Her mom had left them when she could not bear the hunger any more, shewith her shrewd intelligence had decided to go back to her parents where she would atleast get more than the two meals that she barely got.

Anyway, he thought, mornings are the worst times to think of her mom! Nothing would be the same ever! But it really did get a little difficult at times with a thalessemic daughter who refused to go to school and his boss burning his neck down....

There was no end to it, he thought and went inside.... He called out "Angel" once, twice, thrice n the fourth time! It was getting to him... He went and started to shake her awake when he realised she was stone cold.... He checked for her breath and stared at her in disbelief... His Angel was no more, she really had gone away for ever and ever....

He was shattered.... Till today he kept living to repay his debts, all the debts to keep Angel alive... They were all over just like the purpose of his life... He watched her desk till his eyes went moist. There was nothing to live for, he realised bitterly.

He had decided now that there was no point living any more. As he signed his testament, he tok a swig of the silver liquid in the bottle.... His intestines were on fire as the mercury went down each inch of it... Smiling, he thought now he would be with his Angel, in a world which does not ever have the word "lack"!

Mistakes.........

She was sitting by the window watching the waves lashing at the wall... Those crazy waves made her smile.. her thoughts went back to the times when she was as crazy, as wild, without a care in the world.... just like these waves..... all the rendez-vous, the talks, the fights and the making up!!! It was all too fast for her taste but she just let herself go with the flow till one fine day she was in love, she was in love with the person she would love fighting with.... Initially it all sounded very weird to her but slowly she had grown to accept the fact that she was in love with him and there was possibly nothing that she could do about it!!

Time passd by... with them totally wrappd up in their lives..... yet sharing a major chunk of their lives with each other, the fears, the joys, the sorrows, the laughter, the tears, just about anything and everything... Each one had become an inseparable part of the other's life...

The craziness, that zest for the smallest things had all faded away with time... How they had seen the ups and the downs, the highs and the lows... The madness had transformed into sweetness. nurturing each other, cherishing each other and relishing each other over the years.... All the years spent together had probably gotten them closer like never before... But time had come to take the final call!! He was indecisive like always and she had been waiting for him like always....

But this situation was not like always.... This time around, she was not there to help him with his decisions, to think with him, to discuss the pros and the cons!!! This once, he was all alone at crossroads without her to help him through.... He missed her, he loved her, he could'nt take a single step without her.... He knew his decision, he did'nt even need to make it, his heart had done it for him..........

He went to her place with flowers thinking of what he wanted to say.... Throughout the way he had planned what he meant to say to her... And as he entered the doorway, he saw her sobbing and he almost ran to comfort her but he stopped dead in his tracks watching the site he saw there... There she was with someone handing out a handkerchief to her, wiping her tears away!!! He had never known about him... And he looked like he would keep her happy too, maybe not as much as he himself would but... what could be done now?? Silently he dumped the flowers in the dustbin and started walking home with heavy steps and tears streaming all along the way.... He kept walking and walking and after what seemed like an eternity reached home...

He put the key in the lock and tried to open it but it would'nt as his eyes were feeling a little dull from all the crying... And then suddenly she opens the door!!! He was shocked to see her and asked her why she was there when she should've been with him.... She slapped him and instantly hugged him like she would never let him go... The tears in her eyes told him everything that he wanted to hear... This had always been the highlight of their relationship, actions always had spoken more than words.... Some missing bits were there, of course but they did'nt matter for now! When they were in each other's arms!!!... After a long moment, she replied she knew he was there because of the pink orchids that she saw in the bin.... And only he knew she loved pink orchids... Her heart skipped a beat and she bid a quick gudbye to her cousin and took the first cab to come "home" finally to him... to b with him forever..

From that day till today, life had only been a wonderful journey... They had fought when they were younger but now even those fights had become fewer as they knew each other better than ever before... She missed those times she cried, she fought yet somehow this phase also seemed extremely satisfying... And then she looked outside... The waves had all disappeard now and the sea was calm again just like how she was!!! She hid a smile and went back to making dinner for the love of her life...

When things remain unsaid....

There was a streak of lightning that ripped the clouds apart and the thunder that accompanied it was even more fearful and eerie. She walked on and on refusing to stop. Her search for a doctor was tiring and endless.

There was no why she would care for someone who did not care enough for her, who left her stranded and helpless with a fatherless baby! No, there was a yet a reason! Humanity, the religion she followed was perhaps the most coaxing factor in the whole episode.

He did look different now and behaved even more differently.... rather weirdly. Those were the days in college that they had spent together, those five years of bliss.... Little did she know that they meant nothing to him or maybe very little when compared to materialistic pleasures of life.

There were times when she wanted to breathe free, wanted to feel the wind rushing through her hair, the saltiness of the sea on her tongue, the sweetness of the raindrops... But she did not ever get the opportunity to feel all of them because of him, because he did not like it, because they reflected badly on them... uh... rather him!!

Being the heir of a rich business house was not easy! He had to maintain his dignity at all points of time. It was oh-so-not-dignified to enjoy the little pleasures of life She just could'nt persuade him enough to join him! But she would do all of the things she loved like walking barefoot in the lush lawn, sitting by the sea watching the sun melt in her lap, building sand castles to find it crumbling down and rebuilding all over again, walking endlessly in the rains till they soak her soul. A party, dinner, movie, dancing and the works just did not match upto the fun she derived from her activities....

She tried to understand because she was married to him, she was the daughter-in-law of a wealthy household, sister-in-law to an upcoming actor.... But she was lost! She lost all she had including her entire identity! Marriage certainly did not mean losing one's own identity!!!

Love and marriage are different ballgames altogether. Love was when he promised to give her a world full of happiness, not that he was not! Her life was complete in all respects when it came to money, fame, riches, holidays at exotic locales, the best of jewellery, designer clothes... But the most important thing her life lacked was him by her side, no time from him at all important occassions... He was not there to savour what she cooked the first time in his house... her home, he was not there to see how she looked in a saree when she wore it the first time, he was not there when she shed tears, he was not there to share her joys.... Out travelling the world to build her a better house, get her many more designer clothes, get her a few more solitaires on her hand.... Unfortunately he had forgotten the difference between a house and... a home!!

The last straw was when she had not been able to give him the news! Everyone else knew but he... because he was out travelling!!! She had always thought he would be the first one to know whenever it happened! Shortly after he had left, she felt uneasy and threw up after which she lay unconscious... The doctor was called for in an emergency. He asked for her husband and as usual she replied in the negative. He smiled and broke the grand news to her. She had tried reaching him endlessly to surprise him on his mobile which was switched off most of the time... There was nothing she could do but wait for him.

He returned after a not-so-successful trip, tired and exhausted and her chirping appeared to be echoing in his head. Finally when he had had enough, he asked her to shut up! Of course, she did not but went on and on nagging him, about how he was not there when she found out... She could not complete that, he did not allow her! There was a huge battle of words, each taunt hurting the other like a spear. He just could'nt stand this frequency of arguments and simply stormed out of the house leaving her speechless with tears forming in her eyes.

A week passed, a month passed, months passed and she had a baby in her young arms... He had never bothered to come back even to simply check on her. The baby looked exactly like him, the same deer-like eyes seeming to haunt her... She knew she had to act fast and alimony was the last thing to support herself... A qualified architect, she went back to practising her profession just like she did when she was not married.

They were celebrating Karan's fifth birthday at a circus followed by a meal when Karan asked her again where his father was and she realised bitterly that he had not bothered to check on her for a whole five and a half years and quickly hid a tear! They were on their way back home when they saw a car bang into a tree and fall into pieces. She instructed Karan to sit where he was and quickly got out of her car and rushed towards to the dismantled car to check on the people within.... The head of the person driving the car had hit the steering wheel and he was unconscious. She checked his pulse and it was still beating. She quickly moved his head only to realise that it was him! What sort of a meeting was this? She still dressed up very much like a woman who was recently married and this was hardly the way it should have ended!

She quickly dragged him out and put him on the rear seat and raced to the nearest hospital. She heaved a sigh of relief when she found out that he only had a few fractures... All fractures would heal but a life taken away would never be back again.. Each morning she would drop Karan off to his school and go check on Vividh at the hospital and head for office. Each evening she would pick her Karan and go check on Vividh. After a week, Vividh finally regained consciousness. He was absolutely stunned to see her! Maybe he was dreaming, he thought and tried touching her! To his surprise she was there all flesh and bone!

Each of them had too many things to say! His business had not done quite well after she left as he was not able to focus on things... She ahd taken up architecture again to support herself and Karan... He thought probably she had remarried and had a son. That evening when Karan went upto him to say hi, he looked at those eyes and that face and knew what he had missed out on for those years.

So that was what she was trying to tell me! He looked at her with guilt apparent on his face. She said nothing, smiled and said, "Karan, meet your dad! He's back home after a really long trip!" At that instant, Vividh knew she still loved him. Karan climbed up on his knee and asked him, " Dad, I really missed you. When are you going to travel next?" "Never" was the prompt reply as he looked at her with moist eyes... She silently replaced the flowers in his vase with the white orchids he had always loved.....

The Last Rain

The sun was melting into the vast ocean and the last of its rays coloured the water a blushing pink and the windows were sparkling orange. This was probably the only colour that he had seen in the last one year!

His eyes went back to the bed where she lay, lifeless, silent and semi-conscious. So pretty as the first time he had laid his eyes on her but slightly pale yellowish in that cotton robe. Everything beside her was screaming out to her, telling her to break the spell and awake from the slumber! Her guitar, her books, her perfume, her favorite pink roses by the bedside and above all her husband!

She did wake up every once in a while to take her medication and to go for the chemotherapies. It had been quite a while since he had heard her laughter, her songs, her non-stop chatter.... and he missed it all. He would shed a few silent tears each night for the person he loved was going through so much pain, so much agony.... Instead, perhaps it would have been better if she quietly made her way to heaven. Of course heaven! That is the rightest place for an angel.

Life just went on endlessly from morning to night with him running from pillar to post to find out any possible way to save his angel. He didn't realise it was June already! The month of the rains, the month of romance and also her birthday happened to be in that beautiful month. He was wondering what he would give her on this birthday. Was there anything that she needed more than her life? No.... Was there anything that he needed more than her life?! And then tears started welling up in his eyes.... Would he ever be able to life his life with her? That was a question only the coming years would say.... There is nothing that a desperate man can have except for hope and that was what he had... And he would keep it going.For now, he needed a change of clothes and he headed home for a fresh set of clothing.

As soon as he stepped out of the hospital building, he felt a few drops of water on his head and he looked skywards.... It was drizzling, he rushed towards the parking lot before it started pouring. But it started raining cats and dogs before he could get to his car.

He remembered how she loved the rains... She would start strumming her guitar and he would prepare tea and both of them would sit by the French windows sipping tea and humming songs. And followed by the rain walk, a ritual coined by them who shared the common love for the gift of the heavens...

It was the magical first rains of the season, of this June.... He turned back and went to her room. He was sure she would be awake and playing her guitar... But the room was as still as before, as lifeless as before... He couldn't control himself anymore and tears started flowing freely. He was hoping against all odds that she would still be strumming that guitar and he would be getting them tea.... But no, she was too heavily sedated to even realise it was raining.

He just couldn't take it anymore. He took her in his arms and rushed down as soon as he could. And he just stood there with her in his arms in the lawn feeling the raindrops trickle through their clothes and drench them...

She felt some drops lashing at her and she opened her eyes slightly to see if it was really raining or if she was dreaming. And she saw the rain coming down by the evening lights. And for the first time in months, he saw that smile that he had always longed for! She was in no position to stand up by herself. She was yearning to stand on her own feet but just could not manage it. She held on to him and stood barefoot on the green grass taking in the sweet smell of the earth.

But she couldn't stand for more than a minute and he had to take her in his arms again. Anything for her he thought! As long as she is smiling and with me!

She felt her pain dissolving with the raindrops. She was at peace after long and felt no pain, as if she transcended into another world. She threw him the same loving glance like always and held his gaze. She was taking every bit of him with her because she realised her breaths were slowing down. He realised that but she gestured him to stop ans wait. She wanted her last trip to be with him around and not rushing away to get help like he had been doing throughout the year.... It was difficult for him to see the person he loved the most just fade away into nothingness. He just held her tight and secure with her turning into a lump in his arms.

The wardboy came running as he saw both of them standing in the torrential rain. He checked her pulse and her hearbeat and quietly shut her eyes and went inside to get the stretcher. He let out a painful scream. She was really not with him anymore..............

The death certificate read June 07, 2007 00.05 am.... He had given her a birthday gift that she would love and carry with her on her trip to heaven, an experience in the rains, with him!!!

Stroke of Fate!!

As she took the bundle of joy in her hands, her husband walked in through the door of the hospital room with flowers dying to carry her in his hands, the sweet little girl that togetherness had got them! It was their first baby and both of them could not stop squealing....

Everything was just so perfect.... A good home, a good wife, a sweet child, a great job.... But not everything was so perfect just a few years ago

.It all began that rainy day of July. It was peak time and he had to stay back late to complete his share of work. As he went about rushing with it, a female colleague of his asked him to drop her home as it was quite late and she probably would not get any cab home... He relented and left for home with her.

As they went about their way, both of them got talking.... They shared a lot of thoughts and ideas as was apparent from the conversation... One thing led to the other and he was talking to her more frequently than he spoke to his wife. Going out for movies, strolling by the sea side, chatting over coffee became the order of the day. He just sidelined his wife and started ignoring her and she did'nt have any incentive to hold onto him because he was slipping away from her hands or..... Maybe he had slipped away from her hands!!

There came a point when his wife and he were staying in the same house but only silence reigned as opposed to the laughter chiming through his home, the incessant chatting that would just go on and on into the middle of the night, the sweet nothings thay shared on a busy day. But it had all changed because of her, the woman at the office!!! She sincerely felt that there was no point in staying together now inspite of their two years of marriage because they probably only shared the same bed now, the camaraderie they shared had all been lost to nothingness...

She decided to leave her home for good and salvage her career, get back to it after two years... It would sure mean a lot of hard work, she might not have any steady income but it was still better than this, the private hell she was going through!! She was only thanking her stars that there was no baby involved... She paused for a moment, she used to want a baby so badly even at the cost of arguments with him... In the matter of months her stance had changed, she thought and ruefully smiled.

She started it all from scratch. Thankfully, her parents were generous enough to let stay in with them inspite of the fact that she had actually revolted against them for this man who now had his back turned to her. Her primary concern was to create her own identity first instead of being a Mrs so-and-so. Of course, she had her own doubts if the mrs would still be the prefix to her name.... No negativity now was her mantra! She quickly put the thoughts aside and worked on the blueprint of her business plan....

It was a boutique she wanted to open.... had always wanted to open but could not because he wanted her to be at home. Now life was giving her a second chance at it and she had decided she was going to grab the opportunity with both her hands... It required capital investment and she did'nt have it.... She thought of getting a loan but even that would not be possible because of her lack of experience in the field. She settled for designing clothes for a big brand which would get her the money she required for her dream store.

She worked really hard, all through the week at times... Her designs were now internationally accepted and loved because they were just like her, pretty yet practical, looked delicate yet sturdy... In no time she had accumulated money for the Dream Store..... Yeah, she would name her boutique The Dream Store as it really was her dream that she was fulfilling after long... Finally in a matter of months The Dream Store would be ready, she had already bought the premises and was also working right through the nights at her designs... She wanted them to be nouvelle as that was the reason why she was selling!

In the meantime, her husband did'nt even feel her absence... His thoughts were completely with his colleague and he was enjoying himself with her.... Till one fine day when she asked him what his future course of action would be; to divorce his wife and settle doown with her or leave her alone and go back to Sargam... This broke the reverie, he enjoyed himself immensely with her but it was his wife that he loved. When he shut his eyes he could only see Sargam... His silence had done all the talking. The option he had chosen was to leave her alone and go back to his Sargam!!!

But the question that arose now is would Sargam want me back in her life after the hell I put her through??? There were no answers to that one, he would only have to find out for himself if that was possible... Now that she was so famous and had her social set of friends in the who's-who of society, there was a lurking doubt in his mind... In fact he was almost certain she might not want him anymore.... Self-sufficient, independent, rich, talented was what she is now in addition to being beautiful, sensitive, caring, a strong support system!! He really was wondering why she would need him anymore.. She would'nt, he decided and let things be...

With her newly acquired riches, Sargam did'nt know how exactly to work out her tax planning, in fact she had always been bad when it came to finance, that was left to her partner-in-crime, her husband.... But he is not here today, she thought, and how do I go about it? She deemed it best if she hired the services of a professional and went ahead to hire the best tax planners in India... So what if she did'nt have him, she definitely had all the money in the world to buy whatever she needed... except love, she conceded....

The meeting was for today at her boutique. She was waiting in her cabin facing the window waiting for the delegate who would be advising her.... Just a quirk of fate, she thought, from being a simple and homely homemaker to a young and dynamic entrepreneur who's always upto fresh designs, like the newspapers put it.... There was a knock on the door and she broke the chain of her thoughts and straightened herself out and asked them to come in.....

To her surprise, it was him... She did'nt know which way to look and was questioning why he was here... He too was equally bewildered to see her in front of him... He brought out his visisting card and she realised that he was going to be her advisor! She did'nt know he had changed jobs... He did'nt know that she worked under a pen name... If he did, he probably would have declined this assignment! He did'nt want to give her nay more trouble than he already had...

They exchanged pleasantries and both of them were wondering what the other was upto... And things just started moving the way they had to.... Everything was the same, the rapport they had shared, their wavelength, the common ground they shared, their likes and dislikes, their differences.... But she was skeptical about it as she did'nt know the status of Priya in his life... when one rainy day of July she came to know through a common friend that he had left Priya for Sargam.... but did not approach her because she would probably get someone better than him.... Life completed a full circle from that rainy day of July to this rainy day of July!

He had decided to not talk to her about any of this because she genuinely seemed to be very happy with her new-found success, her independence, her career... and he was the last person who wanted to trap her....again!!! In the context of work they met up quite often for lunches or dinners which would go on for long hours, nothing seemed to have changed! Even if there was a time gap in the middle it did not show at all...

Both of them wanted to be with each other just as bad as the other but the question was like who would bell the cat... Till one fine day when his engagement ring slipped into her sorbet when he was fidgeting with it, the same one that she had given him years back.... Oh and was she ecstatic to find it! She most certainly was! Before he could say anything, she wore it on her ring finger and smiled. She knew he had a way of messing up the most romantic moments by saying something stupid! So before he could think of an apology for dropping it, she said "I still do"!!!! And then there was no looking back.....

Fate just had a funny way of working!!! They exchanged their vows all over again, the difference is that they made their own vows out of experience and out of love and meant every word that was said! She came back to stay with him...forever!! The Dream Store still continued, but her personal happiness lay in his arms.... where she rightfully belonged!! The ups and the downs were a part of the journey but now they were together!!! She, him and the little one which made the story complete....

Memories of the past!!!

She saw her child fall down while playing and instinctively called out "Rohan". He turned back, smiled and said "Don't worry, Ma! I'm fine." The smile on his face took her years back when she had seen another face with the same smile, naughty, teasing and alluring. There she was sitting with him by the beach feeling very fidgety. There was something that she had to say to him before... before it was too late. But with the setting sun she saw another day being wasted... This was a daily phenomenon. With the sunrise she would see her hopes escalate and by evening with the sunset she would see those very hopes crash as she would tell herself tomorrow is another day. And, thus endless weeks had passed by without him knowing that there was more than what met his eyes, the picture that he was made to see was not quite complete. Some colours were missing but she thought she would fill them up soon enough.

But, today was gonna be different! She was definitely gonna speak to him as she realised she had better lay her cards on the table before moving on, before taking an irreversible decision.... that of choosing her partner with whom she would spend her life with. She looked at him, the evening glow of the sun on his face. He looked extremely relaxed but this is just how he always was with her. Relaxed, calm and above all content! But she wondered if she was reading too much into it, if she was the only one who wanted this to last forever and maybe even beyond that! She was thinking of all the times she had met him. Her emotions had varied from extreme indifference to.... Is this love, she was thinking? He had become an important.... No, he was the most important part of her life.... How? When? She never knew. If only she had, maybe she wouldn't have allowed it to happen! Moving on without him would mean cutting off a limb for her. She would be lost without those phone calls, those stupid jokes, those evening walks... and she very well knew it. But she had to tell him what he meant to her. She knew not how he would react... But for now it was all or nothing!!!

Because if she didn't speak to him today, she would be doomed to spend the rest of her life with a stranger. A stranger who didn't matter to her! So why couldn't her partner be this dear friend of hers? Of course it could be him!! It could be him if not for... that pretty colleague of his.

She wondered if he had anything for her or that pretty colleague from office. She figured out that he may be attracted to her but when it came to love... it was a different ball game altogether. All that he shared with her was probably...LOVE!! All those fears, insecurities, goals, ambitions, happiness or for that matter anything worth even a mention! If only he would realise, she thought. She knew it was time that she took a chance and found out if she was only a friend or perhaps more than that! She knew that their friendship was at stake!!! She shut her eyes and tried to say something but nothing would come out from her mouth. Her brain felt numb because of the overpowering feelings she had for him.

They were both silent until he said, "Come, let's go to the same place." and winked at her. And minutes later, they were at the same table of the same coffee shop which they had always taken. She was so upset with herself at being silent one more time. For Christs' sake, he was her friend first and she was supposed to be comfortable.... but something was wrong. She realised something seemed to be amiss as he was never so silent. Or had never been that way with her! He seemed to be thinking really hard as she ordered their drinks. Suddenly, he looked at her and said, "I'd love to grow old with you. So, are you game?" She turned to face him and said, "You're sick!" He looked puzzled with the answer and asked her to explain. She only smiled quietly and asked, "Couldn't this have happened before?" From that day on till today, they had always been together, seen the good times and the bad times with each other. Through all the ups and downs of life she had been with him, for him. It just made her feel fuzzy deep inside her heart when she felt a tug at her dress.

It was Rohan saying "Ma, I'm hungry!" She felt a tug at her heart as she reached out to hug him. As she picked Rohan up, he came through the main door and hugged them both. This was the complete picture! He was just the same, like he was so many years ago as he asked, "So, are we going out for dinner today?" Time had perhaps changed the way she looked. He had maybe lost a little hair and his spectacles seemed to be getting thicker with each passing year. But what mattered was the person that he was! The essence of him had still not changed; the vivaciousness, the laughter, the jokes; all in all the core of him was still the reason why she loved him today too.

And she was thinking, "This is just so perfect! To think of it, I had almost cut him off from my life! Thank God... I didn't!!" This is when he interrupted with "Thank God... We're still together. You'd almost given up on me." And she fell in love with him all over again with the man who was sitting in front of her, her husband of 5 years but her soulmate always!!!

Ahhhh... The same old Coffee Shop!!!

There she was with him, at the very place where she thought she had left her life behind, herself behind, her existence behind... Everything had changed; the times, the people, the emotions... The only thing that stayed the same was the ominous coffee shop and the dreaded memories caught within!!

It had been over five years and she had thought her life had come to a halt. She thought how wrong she had been and quietly smiled to herself. He assumed he was the reason for her smile, her faraway smile...

Her thoughts flew from the present to a few years ago when she used to frequent this place with the person she loved. Everything was just the same; the glass panes, the decor, the ambience... but it still was not the same. So what was different?? Maybe it was SHE, she herself..!!

She had been so in love with him and everything seemed so perfect until that fateful day when all of it came apart... It had felt so unreal, an illusion perhaps... All her dreams crushed, when she had seen her "love" with another! Sitting at the same table where they had sat... only a couple of days ago!! The same way!! His hands on her face and his mouth over hers...

She felt a rage building up within her but she managed to keep a lid on her temper somehow. What was she feeling??? Shame? Embarrassment? Humiliation? All of them perhaps!!! She managed a cold smile and slowly made her way to the table where the couple were seated and mumbled a weak "HI". The greeting caught both of them off guard. His face had been a mask of horror... but he quickly took charge and gestured at the other girl to leave... Maybe they needed to talk.

And there he was... sitting at the same table!! And she... she was still standing with a feeling of utter haplessness!! She felt violated and still wanted to hear that it was only a prank... But did she really wait for an explanation? No... her mind screamed... no way!!! She could not have tolerated any more explanations!!

He gestured her to sit down... but now she could not bear to even look at his deceptive face which she once perceived as handsome and pleasing. The very same face with the faint stubble, the enticing mole on the cheek and the warm smile. However something was different today... She could not quite figure it out but something had changed... Yet, nothing gave his guilt away; neither his gait, nor his speech, or his mannerisms... not even his face!!! Maybe there was no guilt involved?? Maybe this was a daily phenomenon!!! He had tried giving her a reason but she was too perturbed to care... about his lies! She turned and fled from the coffee house.

She returned home and was thinking about all those stories that she had heard and chosen to ignore... Those affairs, those flings, those summer romances... All of them!! She looked at herself in the mirror and wondered if she really was so gullible that she could not have seen through all of it... Or was trusting someone foolish?? Now she realised that in all probabilities all of those stories could have been true... Maybe the stories were not completely baseless after all... She had felt tears well up in her eyes and she had made no effort to stop them. The tears just streamed down her face and by the time she could steady herself, it was dawn already!!!

And then... in the early hours of the sun-kissed morning, she had heard her cell phone buzzing... The creep... he had chosen a time when he knew he could catch her unawares!! But not today.... not today!! Because today was different, sleep had not yet intoxicated her mind. She took the call and barely heard the explanation and hung up on him!!

She spent the next couple of days introspecting, analyzing and differentiating between facts and fiction. She had searched desperately for a solution. She realised that she had been a fool to let him trick her... but was he wrong, really?? Or was she wrong to have even trusted him?? It couldn't have been her fault, she concluded!! She had known him for over three years before embarking on a relationship with him. She knew him... or so she thought!

Once having made up her mind, she refused to let the illusion carry on any further. Slowly she packed all those things that he had given her.... Yes, of course, she could not collect those good times together, those walks in the rains, those memories, those sweet kisses, those comforting hugs... and neither the disappointment, the anger, the frustration, the shame she had felt... No, she could never pack all of those!!! They were to stay in the mind and sting in the heart.

She walked with a heavy heart towards his house in the wee hours of that morning. It took every bit of her to muster the courage to ring his doorbell... which she finally did. Only to find the door being opened by the same girl in the coffee shop!!! There was a look of bewilderment in her face as she realised any explanation, now would only be futile. The girl in a soft nightgown with disheveled hair had not left too much room for imagination!!

She had asked for him and the girl quickly obliged. There he came... clad in a pair of boxer shorts, bare-chested, yawning, putting on his spectacles!!! He had been horrified to see her that early on a Sunday morning. He had tried hard to regain his composure and hurriedly put on a t-shirt and invited her inside. She gave him a dry smile, handed him the bag and quietly walked out, out of his house and out of his life! Forever! She walked and walked until she collapsed out of exhaustion... That had been the end of it all!!

From that day to today, it had been a Herculean task to survive the embarrassment, the questions, the sympathy, the ridicule... It was then she realised that she had changed!! The past vulnerability had given way to a strong sense of independence, her incessant talking had changed to an extremely introverted nature, the dancing smile in her eyes had faded, the innocence had been replaced by an air of quiet maturity... And she realised that she really had changed!!!

Her reverie was broken by him, his hand waving in front of her as he asked, "Should we go inside?" There was an impregnable pause, she smiled and took his hand in hers and replied, "Why not??" They went inside to the same table where she had sat a few years ago with… And there she was, sitting with him, laughing and chatting. She regarded him with affection and finally answered the question that had been pending for so long in two words, "I do!"

The Blazing Red Gulmohars

And... she was passing by the same path today! but today was different... The normal stony path was of course stony as usual but the blazing gulmohar trees made the road seem straight out of a fairy tale. Like is popularly believed, red blazing gulmohars make way for a splendid monsoon, the season of joy, the season of love, the season of ecstasy!!

She thoughts about the time she first met him and quietly hid a smile.

It was a storm that seemed pregnant with an ominous result. Trees had given way and the street lights refused to work. But.. thankfully, the headlights seemed to serve the purpose. She was working out in her mind, a way to reach her home the earliest possible when the tree just ahead fell across the road. The little hope of reaching home seemed remote now as she was stranded. The only way to get home as she figured out was simply to park her car and stay put until the storm ended.

She headed for shelter at the bus stop she had passed by a couple of minutes back. The bus stop was secluded at this time of the night except for a couple who was similarly stranded as she was. They exchanged smiles helplessly aware of the fact that this was the only human company available... Take it or leave it, like how she would put it as!

The guy looked smart inspite of his drenched blazer and the girl seemed really pretty and petite in her black cocktail dress. As the night got by, they got chatting. She realised that they had been for their MBA school prom.... She was thinking about her life in comparison... All she did was work, work and work very hard and then return to an empty house and eat some microwaved food. Anyways, it was too late to change her schedule now!

In some time, another young man in his early twenties joined in to give them company. After a little cribbing he looked around and she caught his eye. She was standing there, drenched to the core, so vulnerable, so exquisite, so delicate as if a gust of strong wind would simply blow her away! He caught that she was shivering because of the cold weather, the spray of the rains and her dripping clothes. He was just thinking of a quick fix when his phone rang. The phone that was in the pocket of his jacket which was used to cover the laptop! He yanked it out and offered it to her. She was hesutant but realising that there was no other option, she accepted it... It was certainly more comfortable now!

In no time, the duo got chatting about politics, countries, history, jobs, careers, partners, anything and everything in general regardless of the other couple at the scene who were too wrapped up in each other to mind it. Hours just flew by. The storm had subsided. The other couple left for the way... But the conversation just went on and on and on until the first rays of the sun hit them both. With it, they realised it had been quite a long time since the storm ended as the roads were almost dry!

They exchanged phone numbers and went their own ways. Initially they would meet when either he or she was close to the other's office. Then it went to them spending each and every free moment with each other until he finally popped the question! Just as he did that, his phone buzzed and the voice on the other end said, "Congratulations! You have been promoted and your next posting is in London for a year!"

He didn't know whether to feel happy about the promotion or to feel sad that he would have to leave a part of his life behind! The muddle of emotions as always showed on his face and she wouldn't rest until she had the answer to it. When he was explaining, he realised he wanted her more than the promotion and had decided of not taking up the promotion at all! She knew that he was only wasting an opportunity and convinced him not to! Of course, the consideration was what she was willing to do always.... wait for him!

She was counting each day and when she saw the blazing red gulmohars, she knew that the wait would be over soon! He would be back to take her with him, in his world.....

Today I saw this movie Tara Rum Pum, where there are accidents, tragedies and yet life comes back to normal after a few skirmishes. Landed up wondering if in real life there are any so called "happy endings"!

Sometimes it is bad enough to be in a situation that are put in any which ways.... Problems like I believe are like quicksands, the more desperately you try to make your way out of it, the more you are going deep inside.

The best way would probably be to just lie low and observe the surroudnings and then generate the solution and then work accordingly. Nothing really works unless if it is planned.

Movies and fairy tales can be written and directed the way we want it to be! But certainly not life!!

April 28, 2007

Hello

From here, I start!!!

And there's no looking back!!!